Why You Shouldn’t Treat Your Lover Like Your Best Friend

It is said over and over again that someone should look for a best friend in a lover, but this isn’t 100% true.

People say they want someone that they can spend their life with. They say that they want someone that they can share their whole life with. And then, many times when they have this they get bored in a dull and stagnating relationship.

The essence of a romantic relationship between a man and a woman is polarity. It is the differences that make a masculine and feminine connection and it is the cooperation of those differences that make a successful romantic partnership.

As we saw earlier, the man is like a ship and the woman is like an ocean. They are two completely different beings and as such they need to be treated and respected as such.

Don’t get me wrong, I do want the two of you to be as close as possible and eventually share your life together, but a lasting passionate relationship has to be with a masculine and feminine essence.

Now there are a few reasons that is better not to treat your lover just like your best friend:

1.) The polarity between you and your partner makes you more of what you are.

In the presence of a truly masculine man, a woman will melt in her feminine essence. She will be open and receptive of his energy and he will be decisive and confident in his direction. When he observes that woman’s essence and all the differences that is of his essence, then he can be more masculine and she can be more feminine.

This allows each partner to come into more of their own essence. The woman will feel more in her natural beauty. The man will be more oriented towards leading and taking care of his tribe.

Embrace each other’s differences. You can work together, but accept and enjoy how you are different.

2.) Sacrificing polarity and obtaining comfort will cause staleness and boredom.

Two people who are best friends get really comfortable with each other. They know everything about each other and they can talk about anything, without any fear. There is little danger of saying the wrong thing, offending someone, or drifting further away from this person. All of this comfort marginalizes the relationship, makes it average, and leads to dullness and boredom.

People need mystery and adventure in a passionate relationship. A love story that moves you is just like a great romance novel. You may know the ending, but you don’t exactly know how you will get there.

Spending too much time together or telling another person everything about your whole day, including how you long you spent in the checkout line at the grocery story, just isn’t necessary to the best relationships.

3.) The opposite energy will challenge you to grow.

The perfect partner will be a masculine energy to match your feminine energy or the perfect feminine energy to match with your masculine energy. When these two forces combine you can do more and be more. The opposite energy of yours calls you to be more accepting and to understand life in a different way. This alone can bring the two of you even closer together. 

Not only are you challenged to see life in your partner’s point of view, but you are also called to the challenge of rising in a different way than what is natural for you. A masculine man will naturally be more directed and focused, but in the presence of a feminine woman he will also understand how to care more deeply for his children and bring out the soft and affectionate side of him.

I have always noticed woman challenging me to be a better man. It is like they are doing it naturally. Men are also challenging woman to do the same. You have to first, not settle for an average guy or girl, and then you have to embrace the challenge of becoming more of what you are in the midst of a polar presence.

Like everything, the perfect relationship is about balance. You want to be deeply connected with someone you can share your life with. Yet, you also want someone who can challenge you and take you to new depths of your feminine and masculine expression. This is where passionate relationships live.

Best friendships will not do this. There are plenty of partners who love each other and they have separate bedrooms after years of marriage. There are also some that have an electrically charged marriages that last. Different people can have different preferences.  

The key is to choose what is most important in a relationship for you. Then, you must accept the challenge and create the relationship you desire.