So many people think that they need to tell their significant other how it is or that setting them straight will do the relationship some good.
You cannot change anyone.
No matter how hard you try or whatever you do in a relationship, a coaching situation, or any human interaction, you will never be able to change anyone.
In a relationship, trying to change someone becomes even more problematic and generally never leads to anywhere good. While growth is almost always going to be necessary when relating to someone, forcing them to do so is a no go.
Usually it is the case where one partner wants to sit down and talk with the other person and tell them what is wrong and how they would like to change.
This can work, but since we are always communicating and not just with our words, there is a better way.
Recently I was out with some friends of mine. One of them brought his girlfriend, but when the couple had a disagreement on which venue we would go to things blew up. The problem was exacerbated and the two went their own directions.
Hanging out with my friend later that night, he could not stop texting this girl. The fault was his and his own to begin with where he didn’t lead effectively and take charge of the group, but things only got worse when he fed attention to the drama.
She had left him fending for her own ride home. This would be a major strike in my book and counts double since this kind of thing happened in front of his good friends, but to have an argument that continued the whole night was even further a step in the wrong direction.
Looking on as he texted her it was nothing but feeding drama and what I came to tell him was that just by texting back you are giving energy to all of this negativity.
For me, and others that I have worked with, they don’t want a relationship filled with drama. There are far better conversations to have with your significant other and I see no need to bring any type of negativity into such a partnership.
This is your life and your relationships that you share with others. You get the chance to make them how you want to. This means that you have the ability to live your life in relationships without drama and with minimal problems.
But how do you do this?
Change starts with you and you first. To have a relationship without drama you really have to decide on the relationship that you do want.
If I don’t want drama in my life, I then have to decide what I do want. Generally for me this is going to be an extremely happy relationship with another person that has mostly positivity. This means a relationship generally absent of negativity.
Once you have a key aim for what you do want, then you get the opportunity to create it.
What I do and what I have advised others to do is to really embrace all of the positive aspects of that other person and the relationship that you are in. This means you praise them for all the good things they do for you and how much they mean to you.
A specific example is when they do something special for you then you really show them appreciation. A man that has a wife that lovingly thanks him each time he takes out the garbage is going to be much more likely to continue doing so in the future.
The second step to this in dealing with negativity.
There is going to be negativity that comes up, but it all depends on how you continually deal with it that will make the difference in your relationships.
Don’t bring attention to the negativity.
This is so far counter to how a lot of people think they need to do relationships, but in all actuality people generally do this with their friends and other relationships they have. With just a little bit of practice this even becomes really easy.
I was talking with another man on his relationship and advising on this exact subject when he told me how it even worked for him previously when not even thinking about it.
He was driving his girlfriend home from a date and all of a sudden she was talking about all of these negative things in her life and bringing drama to the relationship. This man didn’t want to hear anything about it, so without even saying anything he looked away and didn’t give any attention to the negativity that she was presenting him.
The two of them stopped for gas and once he got back in the car to take off again she greeted him with a big kiss and said sorry for bringing such things into the relationship.
It really is as simple as that.
The key is to draw your attention away from the negativity. When you have an emphasis on the positive things in your relationship and you really embrace those while drawing your attention away from the negatives then the positive feelings only grow. Your partner will also learn what you want in the relationship by how you bring attention to all their actions.
This doesn’t mean that there won’t be any conflicts in a relationship or that it will be totally void of things that you will need to deal with, but it does minimize unnecessary problems. This also doesn’t mean that you ignore your partner or aren’t there for them when negative things happen in their. Instead you be there with them, listen to their problem as it relates outside of your relationship and then turn the conversation to the the positives.
It does mean that you have to show up in a relationship. There might be times where you are wrong and your partner will have all the reason in the world to get mad at you. These are the times you have to take responsibility for. You can do this and prevent such things from happening in the future.
This does though eliminate just about all the unwanted drama from your relationships. When you focus on all the positives and disacknowledge the negatives from a relationship you will be surprised how amazing your relationships can truly be.
Bring more positivity to your life and your relationships. Let go of the need to bring up disputes. There will never be a reason that you will need to tell someone how it is. It’s only on another person to figure out life for themselves. It is on you to live a happy life and I see no better way to do that than in happy and positive relationships.
* * *