Watching with teary eyes I watched my father drive off in an angry haste. I was stuck. Locked out of my one bedroom apartment inside an old victorian home, I thought of how my life had come to this.
It was a continuous problem in my life. People were always letting me down and I had no idea why. I couldn’t count on my friends and even my family members would let me down.
My friends were unreliable and could never really give me what I needed in friendship. They would call me only when they needed an extra player in a football game, but our friendships were little else. My sister learned that I wouldn’t lend her money so I rarely heard from her and the rest of my family was non-existent except for my grandparents who I could count on, but what I came to realize was that there were very few empowering relationships in my life.
I was sitting there on the front porch of this old victorian home, looking out into the morning daylight I thought about all of these things, and then had the epiphany that it was all about me. In the moment I didn’t feel like it, but I knew I had the power. All of these lackluster relationships and this unfulfilled life that I was living was because of me.
During those past few years I had just accepted what life gave me. From average friendships to people coming in and out of my life with no selection or no standards in my life, I had let all of this happen, and I had created my world in the way it was now. What this meant more than anything was that if I had the power to have created this, then I had the power to change this as well.
It was in that moment while I was waiting for someone to let me into the house and into my apartment that I came to the conclusion that I had to demand more for myself in my life. I was done with average relationships. I was done with friends who could do with or without me. I was done with not being good enough.
But for these great realizations to come true I came to the greatest understanding, I had to be more.
I eventually became more than I ever thought I could, but this was the moment of change for me. Life became an active process at this point and I learned how expecting the best from myself and others would only lead me to greater results in my life. My neighbors soon opened the door and I let myself back into my one bedroom apartment.
And through one of my greatest distresses as well as moving on from relationships that didn’t serve me, I learned that all it took was a decision and my life could be altered. Soon I would impart on a mission of self-discovery and growth, but it all started here with this moment.
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