Have you ever felt needy? Maybe you wanted to get your way, and you just weren’t. Maybe you were also pushing for whatever it was that you wanted, but it just simply slipped further and further away from you.
We all want things in life, but where we can get into trouble is when we need those things. If we are attached to having a certain job, a certain lifestyle, a certain partner, or anything where we need that thing is when problems are almost sure to occur.
Usually the problem of being attached to a specific outcome occurs because of a scarcity mentality.
“Because the world is so limited, then I have to have this outcome.”
The odd thing is that when people do think the world is limited or when they see only a few options, then that is what they focus on. And what they focus on generally becomes their reality. So they do in fact realize their beliefs of having a limited life, but only because they had set those beliefs in place first.
When someone is attached to an outcome, usually that also makes it significantly more challenging to get that outcome as well. Here are a few examples:
-The guy who wants to make this one girl his girlfriend directs all his actions towards that goal and instead of having fun and being in the moment (which she would embrace and really enjoy his presence in), he is now invested in showing her who he is only in a positive way. This generally is not the bad part, but having all your actions for the purpose of making someone like you will generally only push them further away.
-The sales person who is attached to making that sale acts in a similar way. He directs his actions only towards that final outcome and thus he usually compromises the genuineness and the flow of the sales interaction. Instead of doing what was best in the moment, in terms of connecting with the client and giving him what he needed was overshadowed with thoughts of getting that sale.
-The change-worker who is focused on having an agenda and taking his client somewhere likely isn’t there with his client and doesn’t recognize that he has to be able to be there with his client in the process of change. Likely he is going to lose the client in regards to having him follow along on the change process. The client couldn’t help it. The change-worker was somewhere else and not with him, why should he follow along if his coach can’t be there?
And I want to point out that there is nothing wrong with wanting any of these things at all, but when we need them, that is where the problems arise.
Instead of needing these things and coming from a place of scarcity, we can come from a place of abundance. In this place, we don’t need anything to happen at all, and instead we can be in the moment only coming from a place of genuineness.
When this happens and you don’t need to have anything happen. In this place people are more able to connect with others, to be more intelligent and congruent with their thoughts, and most importantly are often more able to get what they really want.
In this way the previous examples are highly likely to turn around:
-The guy who wants a girl who will be good for him and his life will be able to act the way he wants, knowing that girls are abundant he will be able to really dive into what he wants and she will be better able to like him back when he comes from a place of who he really is rather than who he is for her. In this place, he can connect with her in the moment. By doing so he will bring more awareness to the connection and the bond can grow that much easier.
-The sales person, knowing that there are plenty of buyers can deliver a better experience for the potential buyer. He can relax with the knowledge that there is nothing wrong if they don’t buy and that he can live with or without the sale. In this place of presence the potential buyers will only want to connect with him deeper.
-The change-worker can let go of the change he wants for the client because it is about the client and not the change-worker. When this happens the change-worker can be more in the moment and the client can focus more on the change he wants to have. While taking responsibility for this change, the client is much more likely to realize it.
When we can realize that there is an abundant world out there, we can relax from a place of non-scarcity. Observing that we really have all of our needs met, then we can really come from a place of presence and going after what we want in a non-needy and effective way.
For more information on how to live a more mindful life that will allow you to connect with others and form better relationships sign up for my newsletter or schedule your free strategy session here.